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Dino Valdeeznuts (b. circa 2344, date of death unknown) was a Valdovian inventor who is most famously known for creating the timedrive, a device which allowed time travel and revolutionized the concept of food delivery, and subsequently warfare, in the Milky Way.

Early Life and Career

Valdeeznuts began his career as a delivery boy at Zimmy Zon’s, a sandwich shop based on his home planet, Valdovia. It was there that he developed the timedrive, a device that allowed him to deliver customer’s food orders before they even placed them. Initially, the device could only travel thirty minutes into the past, but it quickly led to Zimmy Zon’s becoming the largest company in the Milky Way due to their unparalleled speed of delivery.

Impact on Intergalactic Relations

The company’s expansion to the Andromeda Galaxy, led by its CEO Zon Zimmerson, sparked tensions with the Greys, a humanoid species from Andromeda who perceived the sudden appearance of Zimmerson as an act of war. The conflict escalated when the Greys managed to reverse-engineer their own version of the timedrive, although theirs was inferior and could misplace passengers by decades. They waged temporal warfare across the Milky Way, causing millions of deaths.

Invention of the Advanced Timedrive

Under these dire circumstances, Valdeeznuts and other Valdovian scientists developed an improved version of the timedrive that could travel accurately down to the microsecond and had an unlimited range. The superior Valdovian technology gave the Milky Way an edge in the temporal warfare, leading to covert missions that dismantled the Greys’ war effort and established a fragile peace.


Despite the victory, the threat of espionage and the Greys’ attempts to create a weapon of temporal mass destruction loomed large. In a strategic move, the advanced Valdovian timedrive was hidden in a location that nobody would expect: Earth in the 20th century.

Valdeeznuts’ invention has had a profound impact on intergalactic relations and the concept of time itself. His life and contributions remain a significant part of Valdovian and Milky Way history. Some reports claim he attended Mustachepalooza in 2018 after traveling back in time in a more advanced version of his original timedrive. His final fate, however, is unknown as the dangerous consequences of time travel technology make tracing his path through history a challenging task.